are you chasing men away?

 

if you aren’t getting men into relationships look at these possible reasons


There are traits that will make men run in the opposite direction especially in the beginning of an attraction. Number five reasons to turn your new guy off are:

  • Too bossy and controlling

  • Not nurturing

  • Too independent

  • Argumentative or Competitive

  • Masculine looks or behavior

Bossy

Bossy women are often thought of as a “mother” figure and men don’t want to have sex with their mother. Well, most of them anyway. So if you’re the controlling and bossy type you may need a man who is a “beta” male (one who likes to be bossed around) otherwise they may not stick around long. This includes women who like to control every situation and not let the man make decisions without criticizing or complaining. If you like things ONLY your way it’s best to find someone who likes things your way, too.

not nurturing

Men like to be coddled to a degree and they definitely want a nurturing woman. A soft, supportive and understanding women is important to them and others. A woman who enjoys being a woman (not necessarily their mother) and who likes to take care of them, a home, other people and is a good support system. Let’s face it no one wants to be with a self-centered narcissistic person and a kind nurturing soul is just about the complete opposite of that type of person.

too independent or too dependent

Either extreme is generally looked at as not a good quality. The independent woman may make a man feel that she will not support him enough and a dependent woman may feel like she is going to smother the life out of him. A good, solid foundation for a relationship begins with two people who don’t “need” each other but who enjoy the comforts that a monogamous relationship brings. Many men, young and old, love to show their protective nature when they are with a woman. Opening doors, letting her go first, pulling out her chair and other “gentlemanly” things are sometimes looked at as old-fashioned and unnecessary. If you’re too independent it takes the fun out of being a male (or so studies have said) so enjoy the special treatment and show your appreciation.

ARGUMENTATIVE

Some women love to banter with men and that’s okay if you’re buddies hanging out but in a relationship banter shouldn’t be seen as combative or derogatory. If you are seen as argumentative with others it can also be a red flag. Men like healthy conversation and a little dose of competitive spirit but going overboard is a turnoff. For instance; if you have to compete and generally “win” when there is a disagreement or discussion he may feel belittled. Don’t look at arguments or competition as a win-lose but rather a win-win. If there is a win-lose in a disagreement then the relationship loses.

masculine looks or behavior

It’s not a surprise that men like feminine women. Your appearance and demeanor will be an immediate turn-on or turn-off. Make sure your looks and behavior reflect your interest in him if there is to be an ongoing relationship of more than just buddies. In the early stages of a relationship, especially the first date, men will be most influenced by your appearance and your behavior. When they get to know you better, and hopefully they will, it will be more about the “you” as a person rather than an early judgment call. Men are always attracted to appearance before any other trait you may have so pay special attention to what you want to project.

We don’t live in a world of perfection but presenting your most positive self is important on the first date especially. If a man isn’t sexually attracted to you he will see you more as a friend or a possible business partner. Try to think like a man when interacting with a potential partner. Project to him what you want the relationship to be. If you want a serious relationship that may lead to marriage you want to project the woman that he will see as a potential wife. Be careful not to project what you do not desire — like a one-night stand when you really want that ring on your left hand.

In time he will figure out the quirks of your personality and that you aren’t the perfect 10 he thought you to be but in the meantime you are trying to get into a dating scenario where he explores his options with you. Laying too much information out on the table is not in your best interests, nor is being domineering or bossy, too dependent or too needy. You want him to desire to invest the time and energy into getting to know you and the way to do that is to put your best foot forward. Don’t be a totally different person but just be the best person possible.

Do you know why car salesmen take so much time to show you around the car lot? Because the more time you spend with the salesman the greater his chance of making a sale with you. Relationships are much the same way. The more time you spend with someone getting to know them, going on dates and expending time and energy the greater the chance the person will stay in the relationship. Why? They have invested significant time and they don’t want to feel they’ve wasted their time. If you’re having first dates and no callbacks you may want to revisit the above list.

 
 

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