mistakes to avoid if you want your ex back
costly mistakes that could make you lose him forever
Women get counseling from me daily on how to get their ex back. I even wrote a book dedicated to the subject because it’s so important “Breakup to Makeup: How To Get Your Ex Back” but here are a few of the things you should absolutely avoid:
CONTACTING HIM: Why? If you contact him he has no time to miss you! I know it’s tempting to call, text, stalk or beg him back. You miss him! Give him time to miss you! This rule is the number one rule in getting him back. Trying to pursue him during this time will turn him away from you and you can’t contact him if you truly want the relationship to be even better when you get it back. This includes “accidentally” running into him or checking hourly to see if he’s “liked” something on social media. No contact! I suggest even deleting contact information from your phones if you’re too tempted to break down and call him. HOW LONG? At least 30 days! You can do it!
NO SEX: So in a few days or weeks he reaches out to you and you’re so excited that you immediately reward him with mind blowing sex. NOT! This isn’t the way you get him back. In fact, when he fails to change, followup or ask you out you’re gonna blow it totally by losing your cool and acting like an insane person over it. Make him miss you AND the sexual intimacy. He can’t miss it if he knows it’s sitting there waiting for him anytime he chooses to call. You broke up for a reason and I doubt that reason was that you weren’t having fun in bed. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and the absence of sex is going to make him think about it even more!
TAKING HIM BACK WITHOUT RULES: Once you’ve lost control too many women take their man back without setting any ground rules. Don’t be so happy that he’s contacting you that he gets to do what he wants, when he wants and you accept it. He will never commit or have respect for you if he can walk all over you and you allow it. Chasing him or showing desperation and “bargaining” to get him back will take away your self-esteem and his attraction to you. Don’t be afraid to make him work to get back together and set some boundaries. What he has to work for you he will also make you a more important priority.
GUILTING HIM: Many women will use the “guilt” card because they’ve tried everything else to win their mate back. Guilt never works very long and it only makes the other person feel resentment. Yes, you may have done wonderful things for him and perhaps he didn’t show his appreciation, or you stayed with him when you should have left, etc. but that shouldn’t be used as a bargaining tool to regain his love and affection. Resentment is the poison that kills relationships and guilt is the emotion that will start it. Trying to make him feel guilty or sorry for you doesn’t make his little heart flutter with love. Pity and love don’t go “hand in hand”.
JEALOUSY: There is always a possibility that he will begin dating someone else or put himself in circumstances to meet other women. Let him! Don’t fear that he’ll fall in love with someone within a couple of weeks. If he does then he didn’t love you in the first place. Allow him the freedom to compare you favorably to other women without you going crazy over it. Most often when men who love their mates date other women they will miss you even more. They love the familiarity of a relationship as much as you do and being jealous may temporarily boost their ego but in the long run it isn’t good for the relationship or for you.
ASKING ABOUT HIM: You probably have friends or acquaintances that you share and you’re tempted to get in touch with them to see what he’s doing. Know that it is transparent and looks desperate to attempt to find out through friends what he’s up to. It’s better to believe that he’s moping around all day in his dirty underwear and eating cereal out the box than to visualize or confirm that he’s out with friends. Don’t ask! When it gets back to him that you ran into some mutual friends and they tell him that you never asked about him it will make him wonder why. That’s what you want, after all. For him to wonder what you’re doing enough to contact you! Let him think you’ve moved on without him and it will ignite the competitor in him.
There are things that you’ll do when he finally reaches out to you. AND HE WILL! Those will be in the next email. Until then, check out these meditations to make sure you’re on his mind and in his heart!